Anonymous: K basically I like this guy a lot but I don't think he likes me back and I'm so annoyed at myself for liking him bc he's led me on before and stuff but I hung out w him today and it reminded me how much I like him bc we held hands and he carried me in his arms etc. Anyway what I wanted to ask; how do I find out how he feels w/out embarrassing myself? And how do I make sure I don't get my hopes up again?

Alright, I think he clearly does like you by the way he is behaving, however, you want to make sure that he likes you as much as you like him. It is awful getting your hopes up and guys can be so smooth in the way they lead girls on, so you have to be on your guard a little to make sure you don’t fall into this again. What you’re going to have to ultimately find out is: If he is worth it and if he is, then how are you going to find out how he feels.

You’re going to have to start things slowly, don’t rush into things all at once. Remember to think with your head and put your feelings aside. Start by catching up with him, talking to him and getting to know him. It’s fine to hold hands and be picked up, but those things are only the small details, and ones that can’t be the only things holding a relationship together. Focus on getting to know him even better, and allow him to get to know you. If he tries to do something e.g kiss you or something more, just hold off for a while. See if he respects you and is hanging out with you for the right reasons, not just to flirt and get with. Playing a little hard to get is perfectly okay, and guys like him aren’t normally used to girls doing that to them, so it can be intriguing.

After you’ve gotten to know him better, and him you, and you’ve hung out and realised you can joke around, flirt and also talk about serious stuff, I think his feelings will become clear. Once you get to that stage, it will be easier to talk to him and be yourself around him;  but you’ve got to create that basis of friendship first. You’ll know when he likes you because he won’t be able to stop talking to you, and he will catch up with you more frequently and be more comfortable around you. It’s lovely that he picks you up and holds your hand, but that can’t be the stuff you fall for, you have to fall for the fact that you two are compatible together. You’ll only know this, by taking things a little slower.

So just remember—-Think with your head not your feelings. If he does something sweet or says something cute- don’t fall for it straight away. Guard yourself a little bit. When you start to feel butterflies around him, just stop yourself, get yourself together and realise that you are just two people getting to know each other and there is no pressure to be anything more. Figure him out before letting yourself like him. You are in control of your feelings- not him, so don’t allow yourself to fall so easily. Let him come to you, you’re worth chasing and you don’t come easily; he needs to know that. Finally, always remember that this guy would be lucky to have you. You’re a strong and amazing girl with or without him, your presence in his life is something he should be thankful for. It is a privilege if he is able to get you, not an expectation or a right of his.

xxxx

 

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